Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
birth control should be required to get into college
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
