If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
