I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
do herpes really smell.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
