He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
