I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
