Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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