Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
