After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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