Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
