but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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