Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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