Say something about gay babies.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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