I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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