Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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