soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
