i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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