I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
