My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
