I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I want her autograph on my taint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize