my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
