Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
