How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
