I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
