I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You're like the curious george of whores
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
