I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
