Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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