Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
