All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
