i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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