i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
