I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
