can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
