were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
