im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize