Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
