the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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