Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
