so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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