she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I am one with the molecules
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
