Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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