Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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