I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I think people are normalizing furries
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