Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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