I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
