She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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