he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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