You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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