Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
