Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
