My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
