you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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