It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
