if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
