Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
