then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
