I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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