why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
