I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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