Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
