she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
