literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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