Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
