i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
