no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
